Meet Priya Over an Americano, With a Drop of Steamed Oat Milk
Priya Monga, Business Lead to the Head of Facebook App, Facebook | Menlo Park, California; from Toronto, Ontario
The first Macchiato <> Americano that Priya and I exchanged was in a coffee shop in the middle of a construction zone. It was loud and dusty, but I remember feeling enamoured and taken aback by this brilliant young soul sitting in front of me, asking my advice on her life journey and career path. My advice was simple, listen to your gut and listen to your voice… she was communicating exactly what she wanted without realizing it. I have watched her thrive and grow in ways most people take decades to do… Priya’s combined sense of EQ and IQ is what I truly believe makes her the empathetic leader, community builder, and connector she is today.
Priya grew up just outside of Toronto, and has called four different countries home in the last five years (Singapore, Ireland, Canada and the US). She is currently a Business Lead at Facebook supporting the Head of the Facebook App (how incredible!). Prior to taking on this role at Facebook’s Headquarters in California, she worked with the global marketing solutions team in Toronto and began her career at Facebook in Dublin as part of the small business team.
Over to you, insightful Priya!
What does the power of connection mean to you and how has it impacted your personal and business life?
P.M.: Connections are everything. They have the power to spark things that you never would have thought of on your own, conjure feelings that you’ve never felt before or provide support that you couldn’t live without.
The connections I have in my life have “sparked” so many things that have truly made me who I am today. I was lucky to feel sparks flying around my dynamic dinner table as a kid growing up. I instantly felt connected and supported by complete strangers that I met during my first few months in Dublin when I arrived with no friends, family or support system - these connections have now sparked some of my closest friendships and confidants. I felt sparks flying when I moved back home to Toronto and I reconnected with old friends and mentors like you who sparked a new way for me to think about my strengths and how I could apply them to my career. I felt sparks (or more like fireworks) when I stumbled upon a lucky connection on Bumble with my now boyfriend of two years. And today, there are sparks flying around me every single day that I get to show up to my dream job, working and feeling connected to leaders who I not only to looked up to for years, but now get the privilege to sit across the room from. Not to mention, I got referred for this job through a lucky connection I had made in my early Facebook Dublin years!
I can’t remember any moment in my life that hasn’t been sparked by a great connection, or hasn’t been made better by the support of a connection. I’m so conscious of how much better I can be in my personal and professional life with strong connections so I’m very intentional about building and nurturing them, wherever I go.
“Connections have the power to spark things that you never would have thought of on your own”
- Priya Monga
You are one that never shies away from a new challenge. You've always been a strong performer, always looking to stretch yourself and help others along the way. You've recently pivoted to your most challenging and fulfilling role to date as Business Lead to trailblazer Fidji Simo, Head of Facebook App, in the heart of Silicon Valley. What gave you the courage to make the leap, and to embark in a role very unfamiliar to you at the start?
P.M.: I really do credit my parents for my risk taking ability and for giving me the courage to just try things, regardless of the outcome. They weren’t the parents that said, “you can do anything that you put your mind to”. It’s like they knew that that phrase might put unnecessary pressure on me. Instead, their guidance was “you can try anything that you put your mind to”. It’s this idea that an “attempt” is just as much of an accomplishment as long as you really tried your best… and only you know what your best is on any given day. Coming in 1st place meant the same to them as getting a participation badge. In fact, both outcomes would result in the exact same response from my parents - “we’re so proud of you”.
Whenever I’m about to embark on a new or unfamiliar adventure I really try to make the feeling of success super tangible by not focusing on the final outcome, but instead creating micro wins for myself along the way to build my confidence. Just getting on that plane to San Francisco and leaving my friends and family behind was a success. Teaching my body how to wake up every morning at 5:45am because of my now 1.5 hour commute to work, was a success. Getting through almost a year in my new role, a role that didn’t exist before me, was a success. Having 12 people to show up to my birthday party in San Francisco after only 9 months of living there (and only half of them being family or relatives) - that’s a pretty great success!
Don’t get me wrong, I still set unreasonable expectations for myself that often lead to disappointment. But then I quickly remind myself that in order to “successfully” get through a challenging or unfamiliar situation I have to try to start from a strong base of confidence and work my way up from there.
What is the worst advice you’ve received?
P.M.: When I was thinking about the worst advice I ever received, nothing immediately came to mind - which makes me feel really grateful for all of the good advice I’ve received in my life. That being said, I do think that I’ve been given guidance in a more indirect way that hasn’t been helpful. It’s this idea that there is a “right” time for things and that everyone’s timeline is the same.
In my career so far, I’ve frequently been one of the younger people in the room or on my teams. As a result, I’ve often been told these broad sweeping (but well intentioned) statements like “if you’re going to move, this is the age to do it ” or “do it while you’re still young”. Personally, I think it can sometimes create an anxious mindset where there is an assumption that there is a “right” timeline for everything - whether it be moving to a new city, changing roles, starting a long distance relationship, starting a family etc. Personally it’s made me feel sometimes like I don’t have the permission to slow down when you need to, because “I’m young” and I should have the energy and the time at this age.
About two and a half years ago I found out I had Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), which explained the horrible pains I had been feeling in my shoulders and hands for almost a year. I decided to take a month off of work on medical leave to focus on my health, and then I decided to move back to Toronto to be closer to my family and to put a greater focus on managing my RA. Had I stayed in Dublin, I was on a pretty good trajectory for upwards growth in my role but instead, I took on a lateral role at Facebook Toronto. I was pretty upset with myself for doing it, because if the advice I heard before was correct, it would mean that I was technically eating away at “my young years”. But in fact, this couldn’t have been further from the truth. Yes, it “slowed” me down in some ways, but in other ways I was being a lot more fuelled - I was more creative and more connected to people and I had more time on my hands to reflect, get healthier and try new things. I did all of these things, with the support of my family - and learned an important lesson along the way that you tend to forget when you move from city to city… ASK FOR HELP! I don’t think I would have had the energy or stamina to take on my next role at Facebook (my current role) without this year to recuperate.
What is the best advice?
P.M.: I tend to talk a lot about my weaknesses at work. I think the reason for this is 1) I pride myself on having a “growth” mindset, and 2) I usually stretch myself so much outside of my comfort zone that I feel like my weaknesses are on display to everyone anyways, so it's better to just admit them myself then to be called out on them by others. When I was about 6 months into my Business Lead role and feeling really low in my confidence, I asked my manager if we could spend our 30 min 1:1 talking about everything I needed to improve on in my role. She quickly said no and suggested that we instead spend our time talking about my strengths, the things that make me special, or as she puts it… “my magic”. She intentionally left 2 mins at the end of my 1:1, to talk about all the things that were getting in the way of these strengths. My homework for the next 6 months was to make progress on only these things and to throw out the other laundry list weaknesses I had created for myself. It’s been really helpful advice for me because it still allows me to still feel like I’m growing and improving, but in a much more constructive way.
We've talked a lot about imposter syndrome and anxiety together and how it can be a deterrent to confidence building in an important career setting. How have you dealt with this as you embarked on your new role?
P.M.: This is a tough question because I don’t know if I’ve dealt with it exceptionally well. I have a feeling there will always be rooms where I feel like I’m an imposter in, and most of the time I trust that these are in fact the right rooms for me to be in and it’s simply a natural reaction to being stretched and challenged. But lately, I’ve been really trying to counter balance this by actively surrounding myself with people that make me feel like I belong and help me shut out the little voices in my head that tell me that I don’t deserve to be where I am. Some of these people are passive supporters - like colleagues at work who likely don’t even know the positive effect that they have on my confidence - and other times it’s about getting active and regular support - for me that’s been through weekly 30-min career coaching sessions.
You have lived in multiple cities and countries throughout your career. How do you approach community and friendship building as you enter new circles, cultures, and ways of life?
P.M.: The biggest thing that I’ve learned from moving so much in the last five years is how important my community is to me - it really is the only way I’ve been able to survive and (sometimes) thrive. My formula for building community and friendships in new places has varied depending on the environment, but there are two things that I try to consciously focus on:
1) Being vulnerable - You don’t always need to act like you have it together. In fact, especially when connecting with other expats, my ability to openly talk about my struggles helped create an instant common ground and bond.
2) Connecting my connections - When I meet incredible people in different parts of my life, I try to connect them to not only broaden my community, but their community as well. It’s so fun to bring incredible people together and I think this has made me feel a lot less lonely as I’ve entered new circles and cultures.
Mindset you live by… go!
P.M.: 1) Slow and steady wins the race. There is no perfect time for anything - you have to do what’s right for YOU. You’ll know what’s right for you, if you also do 2). 2) Listen to your body.
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